Sheldon Miller is a physician practicing in Ventura County California. He has published a number of jokes and short stories in various small print and online magazines such as the Gene Perret Round Table, and The Nuthouse.
Communication in a Taco Bell ....by Sheldon A. Miller
The Taco Bell swirled with kids, oily tables, a maize of customers, and an excess of sporks and salsa packets. Brad slipped on a chalupa splotch, skidding successfully to a full stop in his booth seat opposite Jill, the whole adventure looking carefully staged. At 50, Brad looked like a white Don King, gray hair standing at attention even when no military officer was present.
He was out of breath, but had to speak. “I don’t know how to say it, Jill.” Brad squirted macho-burno-sauce on his taco pizza. “I have to tell you.” He took a bite of his meal, and chewed slowly.
“Take your time,” said Jill, the same age as Brad, but looking much younger. She had a past history and experience with men. She rubbed her chin. He must be hiding something major. This guy is going to look like Stephen King meeting Don King, if he tries anything.
Brad swallowed. “I’m going to Morro Bay this weekend.”
“And?”
“I’m going alone.”
Tears beaded on her lower lids. “That’s okay.” But I hate it. He’s dumping me. “It’s a healthy thing.” She could feel the bacteria burrowing into her stomach, carving out Brad’s initials. “What do you plan on doing?”
He squirmed visibly in his seat, turning semicircles with his pelvis. “I’m having a colonoscopy.” His hands tightened, combo burrito squirted into his lap.
Jill burst into laughter and tears. “I thought you were leaving me. ‘Colonoscopy’ isn’t a woman’s name is it?”
“No!” Brad’s face was the color of salmon impatiens. He wiped his bean-smeared lap with a white napkin.
“I was just checking.” Her face beamed. “Sorry, I’m so happy, and, uh, is something wrong?” She was abruptly grimacing now.
“No, not really, I just want to check it out.” He was piling tan-stained napkins in a small mountain on his tray.
“I know! You’ve been watching the Today Show with Katie Couric!”
Brad’s eyes widened, and he blushed. “Yeah, you guessed.”
“Why not do it here, locally?”
“I don’t know,” said Brad, “I don’t think a Taco Bell is the proper place.”
“Why not? I bet your HMO has already approved it, my mother had hers here just last week.”