The Columns of Shauna Kelly
White Knuckle Flyer?
No - A Cautious Conversationalist
.....© by Shauna Kelley , 2000
I hate flying. I don’t fear it, in fact I love heights and being able to look down over everything. That is thrilling to me, but the constant motions, change in altitude, ears popping, claustrophobic atmosphere gets to me. Thus, when I decided to fly up to New York to see a friend from school and one of her friends, who has become very dear to me, I knew that these people must be special.
I also noticed a lot of things about flying that have eluded me before, though I only noted them on the way home when I was trying to distract myself from the biting sadness and disappointment I felt at leaving. For one, the clouds look the same from beneath and from above, but right in the middle it is like another world. For another, the people on the flight look equally as blank to all of the other people on the flight. Just as I noted Woman-with-Curly-Black-Hair, Man-wearing-socks-with-Sandals, and Chronically-Happy-Flight-Attendant, I’m sure those around me noted Red-Eyed-Blonde. I wonder know if any of them were trying to imagine why I seemed so sad and distant, what brought the tears to my eyes. They certainly couldn’t possibly see the visions of an incredible friend and very sweet man that echoed through my head. All they saw was the face fighting tears with a cold and determinate stare.
Cold. Determinate. All of us on this plane, equally blank to each other, shared the same look of cold determination, just as the clouds look white and fluffy from above and below. But what is the cause of this cold determination. Perhaps its simply the desire to remain known simply by our most noticeable feature, leaving the important parts away from scrutiny.
Obviously, only so many people can be allowed to know our “scrutinzable” parts. One can’t be friends with everyone. The world is too different. I, for example, am a little wary of people who seem overly confidant, for I tend to be a bit shy when I don’t know someone and am thereby intimidated quite easily. I think a lot of people have a definite “type” of person that they immediately take to, in fact, I’m almost positive that this is true of most people. Duh, right? People also tend to seek relationships with a level of shallowness based on the time constraints. A person working at your new office you might take pains to get to know, while the person sitting next to you on the bus might be a source of idle chatter to pass the time. Generally ones gut instinct can tell how approachable a person is.
As a cashier, I know that some people love to chat away and others would prefer to be left alone. Generally my instincts will say “this person will talk to you if you seek conversation” or “this person will give you dirty looks and one word answers.” I very seldom stray from my instincts. No one wants to feel humiliated or rejected by a person who shoots any feeble attempt at conversation down, but there are examples when ignoring my instincts has proven most helpful.
As college began last year my roommate, who seemed to want the Miss School Spirit award before classes had even begun, dragged me to an orientation event where she introduced me to her friend and her friend’s roommate. Glancing at her friends roommate, I noticed the typical dancers body, saw she was dancing, and instantly assumed we would have nothing in common. I hated jumping to this conclusion, but the previous three days had put me in contact with a plethora of dancers who all seemed unwilling to condescend to speak to me. I figured this girl, who has been lovingly nicknamed Fraggle would be the same. But my roommate persisted, and before I knew it she and Fraggle were close friends. I got to know them both more and more and realized that this wasn’t the typical dancer.
Anyway, the year went on and on and suddenly I woke up one day and realized it was time to go home for the summer, and ironically, the first thought on my mind, what will I do without my Fraggle? She had looked like a snobby dancer from above, beneath, every way I could see her outside, so I assumed she was just that. Me, one who is desperately against prejudice and stereotype, had indulged in both. She was not “just a dancer”, she was just one of the most wonderful people I have ever known.
Sitting on the plane which was quickly fleeing from my Fraggle and headed back home, I quickly thanked God for giving me the good sense to ignore my instincts. And I looked at the people around me and wondered which of them I should talk to, which I should try and discern what they looked like from the inside.
So, instincts are usually good, but blindly following mine would have cost me one of my best friends. I know this seems simple, probably redundant, but I can’t stress how much I am beginning to realize this matters. If you take everyone at face value, you will find only the shallowest of friendships. You could ask the Red-Eyed-Blonde. She knows all about it.
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