The Columns of Shauna Kelly
Looks Can Be Deceiving
.....© by Shauna Kelley , 2000
People are not what they seem. This seems like sound advice; anyone who has spent a little time with other people knows how true this statement is.
A very close friend of mine once told me to always smile, because the world has enough bitter people. On my recent and unplanned sabbatical from the Inditer, I struggled with this issue immensely. Trying not to succumb to the bitterness and anger that threatened, emotions I had always fought so wholeheartedly, became almost a full time job.
And all because people are not what they seem. Events in my life seemed to be telling me that this was synonymous with saying never trust people, and in a world where there is no trust, there can only be bitterness.
And thus was my mind-set as I walked out of my dorm room last Saturday, dressed up and feeling beautiful on the outside. I was headed to Gala, and annual function of my college. Black tie, very formal, very elegant. Very much held in an over-sized McDonald's Play Place of sorts. I stood in the doorway, in my formal dress and watched the people that I saw everyday, some who never had a kind word, much less a smile, and some slightly more warm, I watched these people kick off their shoes (quite literally) and climb in head first to the large jungle gym. With the tuxes and dresses and hair and make-up it seemed as though the audience of the Oscars had gotten lost en route and found a much more welcoming ceremony. These people, normally so stressed out and isolated, played together like little kids. Sharing, talking to people they didn't know, sliding and climbing and not caring about their tuxes or expensive hair-do's. And I smiled.
Later that night a friend, whom I regrettably do not know well, walked me home. We chatted for a while and learned some new things we have in common, and just before he left he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was a simple gesture, but told me somehow that just because people aren't what they seem, doesn't mean they can't be better then they seem.
For once, I can't quite find the words to express what I mean. I know from experience, a small amount of experience, but experience nonetheless, that often people you think are so kind and so good turn out not to be. And that's the type of surprise that hurts. Surrendering to bitterness is not the solution, however. The solution is this- often those whom seem good and kind truly are. That is the type of surprise that warms you day and reminds you of what its like to hope, to kick off your shoes and climb in the sandbox. That surprise gives you the feeling of childhood again, where a table has a thousand uses and no argument takes more then an hour to solve.
There are those who have hurt me, and probably been hurt by me. There are those who almost made me lose to my bitterness and believe that the world isn't worth changing. The sight of five hundred under-grads in black tie attire playing on a slide was enough to tell me that whatever anger and feeling of betrayal I have felt is merely preventing me from feeling at home among the sandbox dwellers, and I wish to give it up, to let it go. Bitterness is a crutch for people who are afraid to hunt for others who are trustworthy, and I won't use it.
And thus, my long sabbatical ends, and I hope the Inditer still has room for me.
Ed Note: We sure do have room for you Shauna! At times it takes a lot of guts to be a beautiful person.
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