Of Golf and the True Sport
by Warren Masten
Bully! I say, bully bully for the golfing show under way. And why does a
fisherfolk like myself shout the praises now that the AT&T Open is here?
Because, it keeps those nuts off the rivers, streams, and lakes of my life,
that's why. Could you imagine what life on the local stream would be like if
those hordes were not turned aside by the desire to knock a small white ball
all over kingdom come? Tiger, you are my hero. You have done so much for
the fishermen of the world.
Actually, the sports of golf and fishing are not all that different when it
comes to avid followers. There are also some similarities in the activities
themselves. Golf, though a young sport, was probably introduced to Scotland
through the game of paganica by the Romans. As they beat a feather-filled
leather ball about the hills with crude sticks, grunting hazzahs at each
other. they probably noticed the locals flyfishing their favorite beats along
the rivers and streams discussing entomology, climatology and ichthyology .
The men from Rome used unrefined curved clubs to do their beating, while the
ancient Scots probably had fine split bamboo rods with which to fish their
beats.
As both sports moved on through time, each developed its fine hardware...in
golf, the more primitive "club" was used, while the fisherfolk perfected the
use of the "wand" or long rod...a thing of great beauty. Golfers studied how
to clobber the ball in such a fashion as to reach a little hole some distance
away...a primitive act of primeval release, at the very least. Insect life
cycles, reading water and line dynamics, to name a few, were topics pursued
by more learned followers of the fish. To get a hole-in-one is the extreme
zenith of the golfing world, while in fishing, if you do not get the
equivalent of a hole-in-one each time you cast, you go fishless. After all,
the object of golf is to put the ball where the hole is, and that of fishing
is to put the bait where the fish is.
Golf has its drivers for distance, while fishing has its shooting heads for
the same thing. The duffer snatches his sand wedge from his bag in order to
handle certain situations where the angler masters similar hurdles performing
a skilled steeple casts. Fuzzy, Arnie, and the Great White Shark are just as
nuts as Lefty, Chico, and the late White Wulff. There really is no
difference between placing a synthetic putting green in your hallway to check
for putting problems, and sitting in the bathtub in your waders to check for
leaking problems.
I have tried fishing on golf courses...in the ponds that is. It was like
trying to tap dance in the target area of an active artillery range. Some
golfers take pride in being able hit a moving target reverting back to the
ancient game of paganica.
Once, while fishing a local canyon stream, I heard a clatter in the trees
above me and saw something white falling out of the sky. Upon closer
observation I discovered that the white thing was a golf ball. I knew some
pros had powerful drives, but this was ridiculous. I was miles from any golf
course. I later found out that one of the residents who lived up on the side
of the canyon had set up a driving range for spent golf balls. A man ain't
safe anywhere it seems. I have though of hiding in the rough at The Peb and
nailing some hacker with a well placed roll cast. Actually that behavior is
beneath those of us who follow the true calling.
As the curser dances along in front of these words, the AT&T has been called
off for the day, due to rain. I weep....for joy, knowing the rivers are now
open to the returning steelhead.
But still, isn't it a bully good show...if you like that kind of thing???
