Posted August 19, 99
My sister, Rhu, and I were two very curious little girls. In the summer of 1940, we felt something out of the ordinary was going on and we intended to find out exactly what it was. There were goings on within the family that didn't seem normal to us. Number one, Mama was getting fat. That in itself was not so odd but when Rhu over-heard Daddy telling Mama that she should rest more and to take a nap every day, that put our little brains and imaginations in overdrive, considering all the work to be done in the summer. Also a lot of whispering was going on among the adults in the family and when the we entered the room everyone stopped talking.
We believed all this had something to do with us. "Maybe Mama is too tired to care for us anymore," Rhu said.
"I don't know," I said, "but I do remember the story of Hansel and Gretel and how their parents took them into the woods and tried to lose them because they had fallen on hard times."
Things were getting weirder every day. Mama began sending us to pick berries each day when it was time for the mailman to come by. "Just enough to make a pie for your Daddy's supper," she would say. Blackberry season was about over and we knew Mama had already canned over fifty quarts of berries and made as many jars of jelly and jam. Besides, Daddy didn't care that much for blackberry pie. We wondered why she didn't want us around when the mailman came by. One thing was certain, we were not about to wait around to be taken into the woods and left there by our parents. We just had to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.
The next day at the usual time Mama handed Rhu, a four pound lard bucket, a little kayo syrup bucket to me and sent us to the berry patch. We didn't stop when we reached the berry patch. We climbed higher up on the hill so we could see the road in front of our house. The mailman always stopped in front of the house and blew the horn if he had a package too large for the box. We sat down in the grass and waited, never taking our eyes off the road for a second. Soon we saw the big black sedan that Amos Robinette had driven to deliver the mail for more years than we were old. It stopped in front of the house and Mr. Robinette gave Mama a large package and she hurried inside. "To heck with berries," Rhu said, "lets go home and find out what is in that package." I was afraid Mama would be mad if we went home without any berries but I was too excited to argue. Mama was in a very good mood when we returned and didn't say a word about the berries.
We ate lunch and tried to contain our curiosity as the afternoon dragged on. We waited until the grown-ups would be out of the house for awhile doing the milking and feeding of the animals that evening. As soon as the coast was clear we started searching the house. Rhu looked under all the beds, and in the wardrobes while I climbed up in the loft to search. Nothing. There was an old trunk sitting under the window in the front room. Occasionally it was used as an extra seat when we had company and not enough chairs for everyone. "The trunk!" I whispered, "It has got to be in the trunk!" We took everything out of the trunk and there on the bottom was the package. We just stared at each other looking very puzzled when we checked out everything in
the package. Now, the tiny flannel gowns, the knitted cap, booties and sweater set were much too big for our dolls and too little for Ole Lead, the big red hound. Oh well, they might fit, Dixie,our little fiest, but she would be sure to snap at you if you tried to dress her up, besides she would get them all dirty. There were four little blankets, another larger one, and a separately wrapped package with the words, FOUR DOZEN BIRDSEYE, printed in capital letters. The word, DIAPERS, had been torn off. We heard someone coming and hurriedly put everything back like we found it.
When we finally found the courage to tell an older and wiser cousin about our dilemma, we were relieved and happy to learn that Mama was going to have a baby but we didn't tell her we knew.
Our baby brother was born that fall.
Treesap had just finished washing his car when he noticed his next-door neighbor had been doing the same and was now vacuuming the interior. "Hey, Soup!" Treesap yelled, "How about lettin me borrow your car vacuum when you git done?" I been a laying off to buy me one and ain't never got around to it.
"Sure thing, neighbor!" Soup walked over to the fence and handed him the vacuum.
Treesap finished cleaning his car and returned the cleaner to his neighbor. He drove his car onto the carport thinking how nice it looked after twenty years and how well he had taken care of it. "It don't hardly have no miles a'tall on it," he said to himself.
At dinner that evening, his wife, Dizzy, reminded him of his promise to take her to Asheville, North Carolina, the next day to see Kurt Vonnegut. Mr. Vonnegut was scheduled to speak at a benefit for the Writers Workshop at the Jubilee Center in Asheville.
"Honey, it's only an hour and a half from Kingsport and I have invited Soup and Crackers to go with us." Dizzy begged.
"This here Vonnegut feller, he ain't one of them charismatic television preachers is he?"
"Of course not, Mr. Vonnegut is an author." Dizzy explained.
"And just what in the name of sour-mash is a author?"
"You should know what an author is. When we were dating all you ever wanted us
to do was play authors with your Grandmother. You never took me anywhere."
"Oh, so he's a card playing feller, is he?" Treesap grinned mean to himself.
"No, he writes novels and bestsellers like this book , 'Breakfast Of Champions' that I have just finished reading." Dizzy answered.
"Looks like you are dead set on wasting a tank of gas to meet some feller that writes books about Wheaties, so I'll go call Soup and Crackers and tell them to be ready around noon. The fall colors will be peaking about now and it won't be a total waste."
"Hi Soup, Ole Tree here, I'm calling to see if you'ens still want to take that drive to Asheville with us tomorrow. You do? That is great! Say, Soup, I got to thinking maybe we should take your car, that is, of course, if you don't mind. My brakes started squeaking yesterday and I'm about afraid to cross that mountain until I have a chance to git them checked. Thanks a bushel! See you tomorrow!"
After dinner, Treesap went into the den and was going through the mail. Dizzy cleared the table and was loading the dishwasher.
"Dizzy!" Treesap yelled. "Have you seen this water bill? It has gone plumb out of sight since we got that danged dishwasher and that Cascade stuff you use in it is way, way over priced. It's not going to hurt you to wash the few dishes we have with your own lily whites- Say, what is the name of that stuff Madge the manicurist soaks in? I reckon you could try using that for awhile. It would keep your hands nice and save me some money to boot.."
Dizzy took the dishes out of the dishwasher and put them in the sink. When she was through she picked up a heavy meat platter and walked into the den where Treesap was counting the pennies he had saved up in a jar.
Brother-in-law said he could fix it up
Last night I looked outside my house
Firey red and orange so bright
When I'm alone I sit and stare
To hate a chair isn't fair
I would never ever dare
Write a poem about a chair
A lowly chair had lost it's clout
I didn't want to throw it out.
From some scraps around his shop
"Great!" I said, I was short on cash
This would solve my problem fast.
"What's on fire?" I asked my spouse
"'Tis nothing, dear, for you to fear
Only brother-in-law bringing our chair."
Colors glowing in the night
If you've never seen our chair
If you dare- proceed with care
At my chair just sitting there
My eyes are red from the glare
I declare I hate that chair
Yet, my friend, I'll not despair
My husband says it's no big deal
It cuts down on our electric bill.