Beans and Rice
© by D. Grant DeMan
Beans and Rice was published in the Toronto Globe and Mail and the Vancouver Sun…. The piece caused much controversy and resulted in two radio interviews:
You kisses sweetie, mighty nice,
But not so hot as beans and rice
I loves ya once
I loves ya twice
I loves ya more than beans and rice |
By now, do you reckon, just about everything that can be said about the poor folks monthly diet has been said? Not true my friends; not so fast.
I’ve got news for you. Many years ago I was briefly a guest of the government, spent some time working in the kitchen. Take it from me, inmates eat royally, wasting at least twice as much food as they consume. I could write a book on what happened with the pizza alone.
A recent report of an anonymous welfare recipient crying, "What food?" when asked how he managed to eat, really got to me. Raised in the latter half of the thirties, our family ate well on zero government moneys. Next-to-zero money at all in fact and we thrived, we kids winding up with degrees. But that was then. This is now - right?
Wrong, buddy. You, who throws your money away on pre-packaged crap, sitting in a drafty rental room on high-priced real estate, sporting a store-bought haircut. Move to the country. During the last few years I boarded a viritual crowd of impoverished folks, including my wife and myself (and I really like to eat well) on far less with great humor and panache.
Take it from me, there's no finer high than getting ten kilos each of beans, rice and onions for $15, baking some up with a cup or two of chicken and pork broth, a little celery, a couple of chilles, a palm of salt, sugar, vinegar and molasses. The smokey aroma alone is worth a fortune. Doesn't that just make your mouth water? Memories of Mom and home? You bet! Now you've looked after the odd-day lunch and dinner - enough to last about three months. So invite your friends. Have a wing-ding! Slivers of meat can be added as the occasion presents itself.
Personally, I'd lay in lots of buck-a-pound roasted garlic, though I realize some people just don't appreciate the finer things of life, even if they’re poor.
Just about everybody adores chicken. Remember those good old chicken dinners mom used to make, with rich creamy gravy on mashed potatoes? Fried chicken, roast chicken, broiled chicken, chicken and dumplings, smothered? Spicy, crispy, juicy chicken? Last week I bought four Grade A plump broilers in a bag for a few cents short of $12. Just quarter those, throwing wing-tips, backs, extra fat and skin in the stockpot for barley soup or rice and beans, and lo you have sixteen beautiful dinners. Think that ought to hold off the growlies for a month? I surmise it will, don't you?
For another twelve dollars I got three boneless pork butt roasts in a sack. Sweet and sour boneless here you come, with vinegar, sugar, cornstarch, ginger, salt and some sauce you've fermented from ten cents worth of soy beans. Free fish tails and heads, crab and lobster shells from your fish market make a superior bouillabaisse. Dig some clams. Pick oysters. Catch a squirrel.
Down the monthly road you'll delightfully dine on cutlets, cordon bleu, breakfast steak to go with one of the thirty eggs you purchased for $3.50, and barbecue laid over some of those beans. Mmmm, good. Total for the month - about fifteen bucks.
If you're anything like me you'll enjoy a crunchy potato with some meals. Can't you just see the steam escaping from that russet, adding a dollop of tangy mayonnaise you've made with the eggs and oil, powdered mustard, pepper, salt and vinegar. Or fries. Hash browns. Especially when you've bought fifty pounds of them for six dollars, elated that they'll last all winter.
Accompanying this gourmet food pastry might be tasty, like bread, buns and cake. Did you know that you can bake, grill and boil a room full for ten dollars? Well you certainly can, my friend, and have a real good time of it too. Start with ten kilos of flour for about four bucks, dry yeast, sugar and salt. Get some variety by adding cheap oats and breakfast grains. For the cake you'll need a few cents worth of baking powder, or soda mixed with cream of tartar and a little dollar-per-litre cooking oil. Add an egg or two, and powdered milk. Next month add vanilla. Always plan ahead. Pie comes later.
Crispy buns, English muffins, garlicky bread sticks, pancakes. Get a big sack of corn meal for three bucks, and you'll have crunchy cornbread, johnny-cake with syrup made from your sugar, cornstarch with a dash of cinnamon. And cakes. So many sizes and shapes that your friends will come to your room to celebrate their birthdays for at least a couple of months. Have a great party.
Down at the food bank and in the fields you'll find free turnips; cabbage for slaw and as an accoutrements to that corned beef you aim to pickle up next month, ad infinitum. Pasta is usually one of their staples. Salad stuff. You probably know that already. Go to it! Leave no opportunity wasted.
Another money-saving device I call "the box rule":- avoid purchases that are boxed, or brilliantly wrapped. That package, with its expensive design, the costly brand-name advertising, will cost you big bucks that you can otherwise use for good food. Except for loss-leaders, if you see it advertised, you can bet you're going to pay much more. Bulk and generically-labled food is nearly always identical to brand-name goods. Food companies sometimes put out dozens of labels of the same product. Always buy the cheaper one.
Should you fancy a particular bottle of sauce, read about the ingredients. You'll probably have an interesting time making up the stuff from scratch. For next to nothing.
If you can't get an oven, do not despair. Use a double jury-rigged oven on top of a hot plate, or whatever. I once knew a fellow who baked bread with a skillet and a coffee can. Store your food appropriately out on the fire-escape, in the closet or under your cot. Wherever.
It should be obvious that there are various side-benefits to your search for frugality. You are sure to get lots of fresh air and exercise chasing down bargains. You're also certain to meet interesting people, gain lots of free insight. Striking up conversations with supermarket folks, you may even get a job or two. Who knows? One of my students, formerly on welfare, started sweeping a Victoria market and wound up working his way through law school. A miracle can happen so don't forget to give thanks where it’s due. With the change left over from the ninety bucks treat your significant other.
The best part is that you've beat the system. Yep, you've shown those mighty mandarins that you can dine like a king, though you're ragged and poor. (On that note my wife can explain how she dresses in five stunning outfits for less than $10. But that's another column.) Come to think of it, being broke is not a priority. Just the notion that your money belongs in your own pocket than the bank account of some wealthy food processor. It just takes a little hustle.
Excuse me now, if you please. The crackling cornbread is ready to slide out of the skillet, and the old time bubbling aroma of beans and rice permeates the air. Blessed are the poor. Dinner's ready.
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