Mum's the Word - The Columns of Hope Forrest

A Mother's Perspective on "Woulda - Coulda - Shoulda"

May 08, 2001

By Hope Forrest

There is a certain time at night that only we mothers know about. You will never find it on a clock. It is that somber moment just before we fall asleep when we take stock of our day. I call it the "Woulda, coulda, shoulda" time. The friends I woulda had over for coffee, if only my house was presentable. The exercise I coulda done, if I coulda found enough floor space for squats. The unfinished project that I shoulda worked on, if only I had made the time. But the worse woulda, coulda, shoulda's of them all are the children s books I woulda read, funny faces I coulda exchanged, and the crazy dances I shoulda shared.

Sometimes the pain of those missed moments pulls at my heart so bad that I have to go to their rooms to watch them sleep. If I feel like I have been especially busy that day, I will even crawl in and sleep with them. Yes, by far the worse woulda, coulda, shouldas, are the ones that involve our little ones.

Why do we busy our lives with things that are so trivial? So what if their baby books are blank? So what if their photos are scattered in drawers and in boxes? So what if our floors show what we ate the last two weeks? We need to dance with our kids. We need to do silly voices and bake up messes in the kitchen. They may not present us with any Martha Stewart awards this year, but at least we won t be lying in bed weeping for our woulda, coulda, shouldas.

I hope some day, as I pack their bags for college, I will fondly remember seasons past that were full of laughter, hugs and stories. There, in my empty nest, I will be able to lie in bed and plan a future full of wills, cans, and shalls. A tomorrow without noses to wipe or toys to pick up. Then, and only then, will my house be picture perfect - well, maybe.

Until then, I will just have to continue to do my best and laugh at the rest. Perhaps I can get their baby books completed by the time they graduate from college . . .

My daughter is pulling on me to read her a story, even as I write this, so I will sign off for now and enjoy her while I can. "Toss the unfolded laundry off the couch and cuddle up girls, Mommy does have time to read you a story...."

Comments? Hope would love to hear from you!