....© 2000, Kimit A. Muston
I have decided to list the reasons The Valley should not break away from Los Angeles and become an independent city. It's not that I don't believe strongly in Valley succession, I do. But the people opposing us need help.
L.A. the city has more people in it than half the states in the United States but is run by only 15 people on the city council. Each council member is supposed to represent 230,000 people. That's half a Montana. Even if all 15 of them were political geniuses and saints they would still be short handed. And let's face it, they aren't saints and they sure ain't political geniuses(See Rampart @ scandal dot com).
I have not heard a single cognitive argument against Valley succession coming out of city hall. One downtown pol recently dismissed the entire movement as a "temper tantrum." Obviously people downtown are starting to crack under the strain. So I've decided to help them out, just to make this a fair fight.
First, if the 1.3 million people in the Valley form their own city with their own city council, what are those 15 warlords downtown going to do with all that extra time on their hands? Do you really want to see council members hanging out on street corners, drinking from paper bags? Cruising around in their city supplied cars (see Nate Holden @ SUV dot com), desperately looking for some meaning to their lives, feeling rejected, unwanted and unloved? Is that what you want? I don't think so.
Second, in 1998 L.A. spent $28 million on street repair, but only $4 million of it in the Valley. Should the valley become it's own city the unemployment offices are going to be swamped with out of work auto repairmen. Front re-alignment is their bread and butter. Filling pot holes might seem like a good idea but consider the costs of re-training all those mechanics. And re-training them as what? The nearest profession is lawyer. And that's a salary cut. And consider life with all those new lawyers on the street. Scary, huh?
Third, think of the children. Right now, with almost 7 million books in the L.A. City library system, only 1 million are in the valley. And it ought to stay that way. We don't want our Valley kids in some dark, stuffy old library. They should be learning about life the on the street, from their wiser and older friends. Who smoke. What are today's kids going to learn from books, anyway? Let them surf the net and explore the unlimited boundaries of knowledge and experience at $4.99 a minute on your credit card charged to some account in Denmark. Remember, it is always wise to invest in education.
Fourth, what's so bad about being part of L.A.? Culture? Museums? Hey, we've got one. It's the Gene Autry museum and it's actually in Griffith park, but technically it's in the valley. We're only 35% of the population on 48% of the city land, why should we want more than one museum? Sure, the entertainment business is exploding in Burbank and nobody seems to be interested in North Hollywood right next door, even though the land is cheaper there. So what if the City Hall bureaucracy effects businesses like cold hands on a warm udder? We can be proud anyway. We're part of L.A! We're the city that doesn't know how many buildings it owns! How many other cities can say that? New York? Not likely. Chicago? No chance! Moscow, maybe.
Last, and perhaps most importantly, L.A. and the Valley share a long rich history, common bonds of neglect, abuse, disrespect, exploitation and malicious humor that go back almost two generations. You don't just throw away that kind of common heritage. You savor it. And then you throw it away.
Did you know there are still people living who remember a time when the Valley was just an empty, parched desert with no life and of no interest or importance to anyone? Most of them live in the L.A. and the time they are remembering was last week.
Okay, I give up. Sometimes there are people you just can't help. To quote from the old minstrel hymn: We gotta' get out of this place. If it's the last thing we ever do. We gotta' get out of this place. To build a better life for me and you. I propose we make that song the Valley's new anthem.
Kimit A.Muston is a writer living in North Hollywood. His work may be also be read in the Los Angeles Daily News