by ....© 2000, Kimit A. Muston
I love autumn in Southern California. True, the stubby leaves on our native trees remain a dull grey-green year round and the grass covered slopes above us are a straw colored tinderbox from March until December. And it is also true that no creature south of Tehacapi has ever had to experience hibernation; take a good look at the face of the bear on our state flag - it is obvious from his expression that he is a victim of sleep depravation. But we do have seasons here.
Fall arrives in Los Angeles not with the first nip in the air as in the Midwest, nor the first tint in the leaves as in New England, nor the first blizzard as in Toronto, but rather with the appearance on the store shelves of Hallowe'en decorations.
This year the talking plastic pumpkins and moaning electric skeletons went up a bit early, during the last week in August. The advanced arrival was probably due to the effects of La Nina, which is Spanish for "The marketing director of Rite-Aid has another kid ready for college".
Ahh, you may scoff at the simple majesty of commercialism, but the management of Rite-Aide knows that the longer the cheap plastic crap is dangled in front of you the more opportunities you have to "catch the spirit of the season" and buy it.
So inside the doors of the mega-chain store kingdoms Hallowe'en begins just before Labor Day, Thanksgiving lasts two weeks and Christmas begins in mid-October, overlapping both Hallowe'en and Thanksgiving, and ends only when the little chocolate Easter bunnies hit the point of sale racks by the cash register on January the second.
Some would say this modern marketing of holidays makes a mockery of nature but marketing is as old as nature, almost as old as Hallowe'en.
Contrary to popular history the ancient Celts did not invent Hallowe'en. They invented New Years, which they celebrated on November 1st. The night before they would get drunk, dress up in animal costumes, dance around bonfires and generally act like a bunch of barbarians, which they were. They believed the dead walked the earth on New Years Eve, the bad people disguised as animals and the really bad people as kitty cats.
When Julius Caesar conquered everybody, the Romanize Celts added to their nocturnal theatrics bits and pieces of the fall festival honoring Pomona, the Roman goddess of trees, fruits and freeway interchanges, whose symbol was the apple.
When Christianity took over the empire the church wanted to convert the Celts to a more civilized calender but those tree worshipping Druids didn't want to give up their cider or their makeup. Usually, when faced with a popular pagans holiday the church would create a local saint and rename the day after him or her. But the church had already used up all it's Celtic saints. So in 835 A.D. they named the first of November "All Saints Day", or "All Hallowed Day".
The Celts were willing to show up the "Hallow-mass", but they still held onto their ancient religion in the shadows of "Hallowed Eve", or Hallowe'en, depending upon your accent. The Church didn't approve but at least there was a mass the next day to redeem any souls lost the night before. And as the church spread the Hallow-mass around the world, Hallowed-eve went with it.
So you can see Hallowe'en is really just an old popular product but with the words, "New and Improved" on the box to increase sales. Keep that in mind when your doorbell rings after dark and you find a ghost on your front step demanding candied apples. It might make the extortion a little easier to take.
Tradition also has it that if you don't pay up your house will be covered in toilet paper. But that has nothing to do with Halloween. For that you can thank the marketing people at Charmin.
Kimit Muston is a writer living in North Hollywood. He may be contacted at editor@inditer.com
or kmuston@inditer.com