Yeah, you heard right; Pat Robertson - Mr. TV minister. The guy who first realized that God is not only a Republican, he is heterosexual, a member of the NRA, opposed to national health care and welfare for the poor, and in favor of lower taxes for the rich; that Pat Robertson. He is the single and sole director of a the Christian Energy Company, or CENCO (pronounced Sin-Co, if you have a sense of humor). And CENCO, Inc. beget CENCO Refining. And CENCO Refining has bought a refinery out in Santa Fe Springs. And a lousy one, at that.

Now, I don't know anything about the oil business. And evidently, neither does Pat. Because the refinery he bought is the trailer park of oil refineries. This place had so many Environmental Protection Agency fines and liens against it, (as well as a few from the AQMD), that in 1995 the owners hired a company to dismantle it. Then a company called Powerine bought the place. But they couldn't afford to pay the fines either, so they let it quietly rust for a few years. And then, in August of 1998 CENCO Refining (aka Pat Robertson) showed up with a bag full of money and plans to....well, I don't know what.

In the two years since he bought the place Pat has not refined any oil. He has bought and installed scrubbers and dubbers and willy-wang bubblers. (I told you, all I know about oil refineries I learned from Doctor Suess). CENCO finally got the green light from the South Coast Air Quality Management District last week. But there is still a notice of violation from the EPA holding up operations. This refinery has already cost Pat a bundle and it's going to cost him more before he produces that first drop of Christian gasoline.

But you see what I mean about this story? No matter which way you look at it, it's just weird. And the more you look at it, the weirder it gets.

Maybe Pat thinks he'll get a better hearing now that the EPA is run by his boy George. But then what? Does he plan on competing with COSTCO for discount gas? I can hear the radio ads now; "For a membership fee of 10% of your income you can join the Christian Club. Pull on up to our Divinity Pumps, slide in your CENCO credit card and fill ‘er up with Christian Gas - cheaper and purer, too. Would Jesus pollute the air?" Listen, if he can find some auto mechanics with an ounce of Christian charity I might even....No, that would be just crazy. He can't be planning to do that.

A church operating as a business? Charging 22% interest on it's credit cards? Lying, I mean, selling to customers? Weren't these the practices that got folks thrown out of the temple?

But if not that, then what? Is he just trying to get rich? But he's a minister. Aren't they supposed to know that the pursuit of money is the root of all evil?

Or maybe Pat is just trying to put his Charitable Trust on a firm financial basis. A couple of years ago the Reverend Moon, the Pat Robertson of Korea, had to bail out Pat's Christian University. Maybe Pat wants to avoid having to go through that again.

But he has funded the purchase of this refinery from that same trust, and considering the expense to bring the refinery into compliance and the volatile nature of the oil business, you have to wonder if Pat hasn't risked the very thing he is trying to save. If that is what he is doing.

You see, Pat's intentions are still a mystery. CENCO has yet to hold a partners' or a stockholders' meeting, either because Pat is the sole owner or because nobody else feels the need to be seen in public associated with CENCO.

I've heard about the mysteries of faith, but this is just weird.

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Kimit Muston is a writer living in North Hollywood. If you have any comments about his columns,
he may be contacted at inditer.com

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